From my friend Ed with a good laugh….anyone know anything about this???-A.M.
At last, Washington has done something for the common man.
The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled “The Affordable Boat
Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat by April, 2014.
These ‘affordable’ boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This
does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration
fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance, or repair costs.
This law has been passed because, until now, typically only wealthy and
financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new
law ensures that every American can now have an ‘affordable’ boat of their
own, because everyone is ‘entitled’ to a new boat. If you purchase your boat
before the end of the year, you will receive four ‘free’ life jackets (does
not include monthly usage fees).
In order to make sure everyone purchases an ‘affordable boat,’ the cost of
owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way,
wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or
can’t afford to maintain. But, to be fair, people who can’t afford to
maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children (under the age of
26) can use their parents boat(s) to party on until they turn 27, after
which date they must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t).
If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy one anyhow.
If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined
$800 until you purchase one, or face imprisonment. If you cannot (or don’t
want to) purchase an ‘affordable boat’ from a private business, you can buy
a starter boat from the U. S. government ‘affordable boat exchange.’ Such a
boat will have the basic necessities (hull, oars or paddles) and will only
cost ‘slightly more’ than a similar boat purchased from a private business.
Plus, since your tax dollars will subsidize the purchase of a boat from the
U. S. government’s ‘affordable boat exchange,’ it will appear that you are
getting a good deal.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the
desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes are not
exempt. Neither age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor lack of
desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port
side, starboard side, or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including
when, where, how often, and for what purposes you can use your boat, along
with how many people can ride in your boat. The board will also determine if
one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat, and will also
decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase
specific accessories (like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so … it’s only fair.
The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply
with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a boat, they
and their families can obtain boats free at the expense of tax payers.
Unions, investment bankers, and mega corporations that have made large political donations
are also exempt.