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Category: Satire

Chicago Introduces New Citywide Gun-Sharing Stations (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chicago-introduces-new-citywide-gunsharing-station,37797/ Chicago’s new QuikShot gun-share system is modeled on a similar program successfully introduced overseas in Caracas, Venezuela. CHICAGO—Touting the program’s convenience and affordability, Chicago officials unveiled Monday the city’s new gun-sharing service, “QuikShot,” which allows individuals to check out a loaded firearm for short periods of time. The municipal initiative, through which users can rent semiautomatic pistols, shotguns, rifles, and submachine guns at more than 250 self-service kiosks, has reportedly been designed to make firepower easily available to residents and tourists alike nearly everywhere within the city limits. “QuikShot lets anyone with a credit card walk up to...

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5 Million Illegal Immigrants To Realize Dreams Of Having Deportation Deferred (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/5-million-illegal-immigrants-to-realize-dreams-of,37503/ WASHINGTON—Saying that they had finally attained a life of slightly less uncertainty, 5 million of the nation’s illegal immigrants confirmed that the executive order announced by President Obama Thursday night would allow them to at last realize their dreams of having their deportation deferred for an indeterminate period of time. “When I came to this country 11 years ago, it was in the hope that one day, if I worked hard enough, I could be granted a temporary, tenuous reprieve from the threat of being forcefully removed,” said undocumented immigrant Luiz Adelo, adding that, like millions of his...

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World Unites In Desire To Have A Little More Time Between Terrorist Attacks (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/world-unites-in-desire-to-have-a-little-more-time,37731/ PARIS—Citing the immense crowds gathered at rallies in Paris and scores of other cities across the globe, sources confirmed Sunday that the world has united in its common desire to have a little more time between terrorist attacks. “Today, citizens from every corner of the world have come together in a spirit of solidarity to call for a slight increase in the number of days separating one deadly act of terrorism from the next,” said French president Francois Hollande at a massive rally in his nation’s capital, giving voice to a sentiment felt by billions of individuals throughout...

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Family Concerned After John McCain Wanders Into Syria (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/family-concerned-after-john-mccain-wanders-into-sy,32601/ WASHINGTON—Members of Sen. John McCain’s family expressed deep concern Tuesday after receiving word that the aging legislator had wandered off into Syria. “Unfortunately, this has been happening a lot lately; he’ll walk out of the Capitol building, get disoriented, and then we get a call late at night saying that John is in Syria,” McCain’s wife Cindy said upon learning that her 76-year-old husband turned up in the war-torn country after ambling across the Turkey-Syria border and delivering a rambling, incoherent speech to a group of rebels. “Then one of us has to go to Syria, pick him...

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Government Admits It Was Only Behind Destruction Of North Tower (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/government-admits-it-was-only-behind-destruction-o,37699/ Newly declassified documents reveal plans by the Bush Administration and the Project for the New American Century to instill fear in Americans by “destroying the taller, more iconic tower” of the World Trade Center. WASHINGTON—Saying they felt a duty to reveal what truly transpired on September 11, 2001, numerous high-ranking federal officials announced publicly Tuesday that the United States government was responsible for destroying just the North Tower of the World Trade Center. Representatives from the Central Intelligence Agency, National Security Agency, and half a dozen other government bureaus revealed at a morning press conference that they were...

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A Letter to the New World Order: Dear Torture – Loving Dick Cheney (Video)

Published on Dec 15, 2014 Hello everyone, and welcome back to Truthstream’s original series “Letters to the New World Order.” Letter #5 goes out to former Vice President DICK Cheney. One time Aaron had a dream that saying the word “torture” five times resurrected Dick Cheney as every movie villain in the history of cinema combined like Voltron possessed by John McCain’s mother to single-handedly continue fighting the fictitious war on terror using war crimes to save the Middle East from the specter of peace. Did I say dream? It was more like a nightmare of a nightmare that...

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How America Is Like A Bad Boyfriend (Video/Satire) :)

Published on Dec 4, 2014 But… I love America! See more http://www.collegehumor.com LIKE us on: http://www.facebook.com/collegehumor FOLLOW us on: http://www.twitter.com/collegehumor FOLLOW us on: http://www.collegehumor.tumblr.com Subscribe to our new channel: CH2: https://www.youtube.com/ch2 cast Amy- Emily Axford Brittany – Kirby Howell-Baptiste America – Greg Tuculescu Preppy Friend 1- Pearson Nibley Preppy Friend 2 – Miquick Davis Patron – Sahil Rohira Bar Patron 1 – Samantha Acampora Bar Patron 2 – Christian Roberts Bar Patron 3 – Janelle Junio Bar Patron 4 – Allison Eberly Bar Patron 5 -William Bradley Bar Patron 6 – Matthew Rose Bar Patron 7 – Mike Kellz...

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Man At Airport Pissed That Other People Had Same Idea To Go Home For Thanksgiving (Satire)

http://www.theonion.com Nov 26, 2014 NEW YORK—Sighing and cursing under his breath upon seeing the long, winding security lines and packed concourses throughout LaGuardia Airport, 28-year-old Thomas Metcalfe was reportedly pissed off Wednesday after realizing that other people had the same idea to go home for Thanksgiving. “Jesus Christ, you’ve got to be kidding me,” said a visibly aggravated Metcalfe, expressing his frustration upon noticing that the crowds of travelers had not only chosen the exact same time to visit their families as he did, but also had the same ideas to each bring a single overstuffed carry-on and to...

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How to Choose a GURU – Ultra Spiritual Life episode 4 – with JP Sears (LOL!! – Video)

Published on Nov 22, 2014 How to Choose a GURU – Ultra Spiritual Life episode 4 – with JP Sears http://www.InnerAwakeningsOnline.com http://www.facebook.com/AwakenWithJP http://www.Instagram.com/AwakenWithJP http://www.twitter.com/AwakenWithJP Choosing a guru, a new age challenge. Here is your spiritual solution on how to choose a guru. As an inner coach, the purpose of JP’s work is to empower people to live more meaningful lives as whole individuals by guiding them to move beyond their symptoms of pain and sabotage so they may discover and reconcile their inner imbalances. JP Sears presents classes and workshops at numerous locations nationally and internationally on a regular...

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Increase Your Energy by Avoiding Table Salt

http://energyfanatics.com PL Chang | Last updated on November 19th, 2014 | Published on November 19, 2014 What is table salt? The specific name for table salt is sodium chloride, which is one of the most common ingredients in food. This synthetic salt is found in nearly all processed food. Sodium chloride isn’t the same as the natural salt found in nature. Unlike natural salt, sodium chloride is processed and therefore it lacks many essential minerals found in natural salt. It is also treated with harmful chemicals. These features of table salt are harmful to your health and are great...

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Anonymous Seized the Klan’s Main Twitter Account Sunday Morning #OpKKK #HoodsOff UPDATED

Thanks, Carolin! http://www.dailykos.com Sun Nov 16, 2014 at 06:52 PM PST by skywriterFollow   … and wouldn’t let go until a short time ago. Anonymous had been in control of the Klan’s main Twitter account @KuKluxKlanUSA since 9 this morning, posting its own pictures on the racists’ account and using the hashtags, #OpKKK #Ferguson and #lulz. Anonymous issued this video explaining its actions. Anonymous took action after the Klan threatened protesters in Ferguson with lethal force. The Klan is “very upset.” The Klan also threatened a a reporter who taped the call and posted the threats: “We’ll be watching...

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German neo-Nazis tricked into holding fundraising walk for anti-fascist charity (VIDEO)

http://rt.com Published time: November 18, 2014 09:01 Picture taken on November 15, 2014 in Wunsiedel, southern Germany, shows policemen standing next to banners of the action group “Wunsiedel is Colorful” along the route of a demonstration by far-right extremists.(AFP Photo / Fricke) In an effort to fight neo-Nazis in Germany, a local charity group decided to raise funds to fight extremism by staging a charity walk. The twist? It’s the hundreds of right-wingers who – by marching – will be raising money against themselves. Every year hundreds of supporters of Adolf Hitler’s ideology flock to the small town of...

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An Extraterrestrial’s Guide to Understanding Earthlings

http://soundofheart.org Submitted by will on Thu, 11/13/2014 – 11:42 This is a guide for newly arrived ET’s to help catch them up on the state of affairs on our beautiful planet Earth. Note that it may be slightly insulting to any terrans reading it who are emotionally invested in the current state of their world. Welcome to Planet Earth! This planet is home to roughly 7 billion human beings, and an enormous variety of other amazing species whom they share the planet with, though many of the other species numbers are rapidly declining. Oddly, the humans don’t seem to...

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The True McDonald’s Commercial You’d Never See (Video/Satire)

http://naturalsociety.com by Mike Barrett Posted on November 9, 2014 McDonald’s has rolled out a new ‘transparency’ ad campaign in an attempt to sway the public into thinking the company’s food is not harmful. But if McDonald’s were truly trying to be transparent, you would see a vastly different campaign. If you want to see a much more truthful rendition of what is offered by the fast food giant, check out the comical, more honest, satire McDonald’s commercial above. You would never see it aired on TV! The ‘transparency’ ad campaign from McDonald’s often has the viewer taken to one...

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‘Enough is enough!’ Corruptopolis board game satirizes sleazy Spanish politicians

http://rt.com Screenshot from YouTube user Corruptopolis Juego A Spanish student has turned the misadventures of the country’s less than scrupulous political elite into a board game called Corruptopolis, where the aim is to lie and cheat your way to the gold-paved roads of “Corrupt City.” Bribes, embezzlement, tax fraud and corruption of every flavor has become a regular staple of Spanish life, with ¡Ya basta! – ‘Enough is enough!” – becoming a rallying cry for many. For 22-year-old Marina Belda, the best way to teach her compatriots about dirty dealing politicians in Spain was to make it fun. The...

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