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Category: Satire

G7 Unable To Get Deposit Back On Shipment Of ‘G8 Summer Getaway’ T-Shirts (SATIRE)

 http://www.theonion.com 2014 THE HAGUE—Shortly after suspending Russia’s membership in the exclusive coalition of industrialized nations, the United States and the six other wealthy nations that compose the newly renamed Group of Seven reportedly found themselves unable to get their deposit back on a set of “2014 G8 Summer Getaway” T-shirts they had ordered for the body’s scheduled summit in June. “We placed an order for a box of medium- and large-sized crewneck tees back in February, but when we called to cancel this morning, the guy at the printing shop said the deposit is final and they don’t do...

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New EPA Regulations Would Force Power Plants To Find 30% More Loopholes By 2030 (SATIRE)

http://www.theonion.com   News in Brief, Jun 2, 2014 WASHINGTON—Announcing one of the broadest reforms to the nation’s energy policy in decades, the Environmental Protection Agency introduced sweeping new regulations Monday that will require all power plants to find 30 percent more loopholes by the year 2030. “By setting this strict regulatory standard, we are ensuring that the operators of fossil-fuel power plants take proactive steps to uncover and exploit even more technicalities and exemptions in the federal code in the coming decades,” said EPA administrator Gina McCarthy, who pointed to strict loophole quotas that will force electrical utilities to...

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More U.S. Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful Tendency Disorder (SATIRE)

http://www.theonion.com   REDLANDS, CA–Nicholas and Beverly Serna’s daughter Caitlin was only four years old, but they already knew there was a problem. Day after day, upon arriving home from preschool, Caitlin would retreat into a bizarre fantasy world. Sometimes, she would pretend to be people and things she was not. Other times, without warning, she would burst into nonsensical song. Some days she would run directionless through the backyard of the Sernas’ comfortable Redlands home, laughing and shrieking as she chased imaginary objects. When months of sessions with a local psychologist failed to yield an answer, Nicholas and Beverly...

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